


Undertale AU Oneshots

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, also theres way too much silliness, and uh at times an abnormal amount of puns, i'll just wing it, i'm not really sure how to tag different versions of sans whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-13 06:39:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11179155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Various oneshots and drabbles. Any pairings in the chapters will be in the chapter title.





	1. It's a Yes Thing (Error/Eraser)

The first time they met each other had been a prompt and brash meeting. The two screamed at each other, trying to gain some sort of upper hand as they battled, swift and harsh in their ruthless attacks. They faced each other, panting and breathless and weak. Wounds littered their aching bones, and they glared at each other uneasily, shaking with exhaustion. Then they both unwillingly conceded, fleeing in their wake, absolutely furious with themselves for running for safety as angry voices in their heads screeched at them to go back and fight.

The next few times they had seen each other, they had started fighting immediately. But no victory was ever really gained, and they would both jump back, feeling defeated, and turn tail to run with bitter mumblings and insults groused in sullen voices. 

Then- one time- something had changed. Their chosen greeting, as it had been since the beginning, had been with fighting. Then they fell back, cautious, squinting and sharp in their gazes. They circled each other like vultures, unsure of when to strike and waiting for the other's guard to fall. Anxiety laced their bones, jumping whenever the other made the smallest movement. Then finally, one spoke, irritated. 

"Are we seriously going to keep doing this? It's tiring- and don't lie, I know you're tired too." 

The other flashed his eyes, a pissed expression present on his face. "I am not tired! If you're tired, then it's all the better for me, asshole," he insisted.

"...What's your name?" He was bored, and utterly unimpressed with the stubbornness of the twat facing him. 

"Wh- seriously?" He took a few seconds to recollect himself, taken aback by the question. Frowning, he held back and crossed his arms. "...Error," he replied after the moment's hesitance. "Does it matter?" 

"I'm Eraser." Eraser happened to feel  _ever so slightly insulted_ by the fact that Error hadn't asked for his name in turn. "And yeah, I guess, because I suggest a truce. It's not like we're going anywhere with this." 

"A truce?" Error gave Eraser a suspicious look. "As if. You'll just stab me when my back is turned!"

"Or, I could just stab you now." Eraser rolled his eyes. Error narrowed his eyes and made a very rude gesture with his hand. "So it would be better, if, well, you know, we didn't." 

Error glared at him, but started to turn over the suggestion in his mind. Cogs formed and began to turn in his head, albeit very slowly. In reality, he was exhausted - his limbs felt leaden, his magic was flickering, and if he had to summon one more attack he was ready to collapse and start reciting his planned obituary. Now, they had been fighting for a while now, and they appeared to be an even match. And yes, while he was indubitably stubborn, this truce could be useful. For one thing, it could allow him to strike when the other's guard was lowered. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes downcast as he concentrated. 

A sudden movement lurched in the corner of his eye and he flinched, stumbling back awkwardly, only to see that Eraser had simply outstretched his arm for a handshake. Eraser tilted his head mockingly, taking notice of how Error had recoiled. "Well?" 

Error exhaled, slightly embarrassed of having displayed weakness in front of an enemy. "Fine." He nervously made his hand over to the other's, shaking it tightly and letting go as soon as possible. They locked eyes in challenge briefly, until Error wiped his hand on his jacket in disgust, stepping backwards, only to turn around, open up a portal, and leave, trying to recover from touching an abomination.

 

Often, they would meet by chance (and proceed to ignore each other and leave as soon as possible), yet sometimes, they would discuss their common interest - namely being, destruction.

Such times came where they would work together (not without difficulty and bickering, of course) on decimating a universe, crushing it together when it was just a little too tough to handle on their own. 

At one point, Eraser suggested they destroy an Outertale, to which Error rebutted very angrily, resulting in an argument that lasted for several hours and involved more violence than words until Eraser grudgingly caved in, all the while muttering about how he'd just do it later himself.

But eventually, the tense air between them started to calm, and they stopped fighting (as much) and would simply talk about their hobbies. Error mentioned he liked to watch particular AUs, which happened to be a source of interest from Eraser as well. 

And that was what resulted in them gathering in order to watch 'episodes' of Undernovela - stolen Underfell popcorn in hand - on a regular basis.

"No, no, clearly, Asgoro is gonna want revenge. After all, he just found out his wife cheated on him," Error argued, shoving more popcorn in his tongues aggressively. 

Eraser tutted, shaking his head. "No, Asgoro loves his wife, so if his wife found someone else he would want her to be happy." 

"Clearly, you don't know the characters. Have you seen Asgoro?! What would  _you_ do in his situation?!" Error exclaimed incredulously, pointing at the menacing figure of Asgoro, who seemed to be brooding. 

"Well- that is to say- look, he's, uh, secretly a softie! He was using that colouring book a while back!" 

"The colouring book involved murder. And he was drawing plans on it." 

"You're just overthinking this."

"Asgoro is unforgiving and ruthless and his wife wants to leave him because of it. End of story." 

"Well whatever!" Eraser huffed, leaning back and paying more attention to Undernovela once more.

Error shuffled slightly closer to Eraser, finding his presence to be a comfort. In the time they had spent together, they had grown far more friendly. It was a pleasant surprise for them both, even though they were vaguely plotting of how to end the other's life. Error, deciding to chance it, plopped his head on Eraser's shoulder, their rivalry momentarily forgotten. 

Eraser looked in surprise at the other - who normally found touch to be the bane of his existence - and gave a small smirk, but made no comment.  _That's cute_ , he thought to himself, until he realised just what he had just thought and tried to deny it. A small blush made its way onto his cheeks, and his thoughts halted as Error flicked his eyes up to look at him. 

"What?!" Eraser said, slightly flustered.

"You're blushing. Is it because you know I'm right?" Error grinned condescendingly. 

"As if," Eraser replied, crossing his arms. 

As it had turned out, Error had been indeed right, as Asgoro attempted to find and kill Sin, desperate for revenge. Error gleefully gloated on being right, and Eraser forcefully decided that this fucker was not cute at all. What an asshole. 

 

The meetings still continued, seemingly growing more intimate as Eraser tried to lie himself about how he felt about the glitchy destroyer. At this point, however, they could safely call themselves friends. All aspect of betrayal and rivalry had disappeared from their thoughts, and they found they could relax in each other's presence. 

They laid together on a bed of snow, near the Snowdin of Outertale, as they gazed at the stars and gave the constellations their own names. 

"You see that one?" 

"Yeah..."

"I call that one, Moldsmal the Fifth," Eraser announced.

Error burst out laughing. "Be serious! You can't just call every constellation you see a Moldsmal." He glanced at Eraser, an affectionate warmth in his eyes. 

"Just watch me," Eraser snickered. "Okay, so that one- Moldsmal the First? That's Queen Moldsmal. Then Moldsmal the Second is Lord Moldsmal, Moldsmal the Third is Duke Moldsmal-"

"Alright, alright, I get the picture," Error snorted, "but I'm pretty sure that the Moldsmal monarchy needs to have just kings and queens. I mean, I think that's how royalty works?" 

"N... Uh, you think I know?" Eraser leaned back, staring at the sky and trying to find another group of stars to add to his royal family. 

They paused in a thoughtful silence, until Error spoke up. "That constellation, up there-" he pointed up in a region of the sky "-the one shaped like a Jerry, you see it?" 

Eraser squinted to see a vaguely Jerry-shaped area of the stars. "Yeah..."

"That's you."

Eraser sputtered in shock as Error started laughing hysterically. "I- you- that is  _insulting!"_ He retorted hotly, his face starting to burn as he himself started to giggle childishly. "Then- then that one is also you!" 

"We can't both be the same constellation!"

"Yes we can!" 

They argued back and forth, laughing and making fun of each other. Then they ceased, finally calming down, growing quiet and staring at space once more. Eraser glanced at Error, fidgeting with his jacket nervously. 

Error looked back and smiled. "Enjoying the view?" He snickered almost knowingly. 

Eraser blushed, scrunching up his face in embarrassment. "N- ...maybe," he admitted, before he could stop himself.

"Oh really?" Error raised an eyebrow, struggling to keep a smirk off of his face.

Error started moving closer to him, his face just inches away from the flustered skeleton. His nerves started to run wild, and maybe he'd read into everything wrong and everything would go wrong and he would never be able to trust someone again- but although he was full of a strange, excited fear, he still pressed his teeth against Eraser's in a soft kiss.

Eraser was a hundred percent sure that his blush was back at full force - maybe it was the fact he could see the glow that was almost  _neon_ \- and he was very, very much surprised that Error had reciprocated his feelings. He kissed back, gently, unsure of what to do. 

They moved back, flushed and feeling ever so slightly giggly. "Um," Eraser started, stumbling over his words, "do- do you like me, I mean, like that?" 

"Why else would I have kissed you?" Error laughed, high pitched and nervous. "Is- is that a bad thing?" Error started to fidget with the strings of his hoodie.

"N- no! That's a yes thing- I mean, a good, uh- I like you too?" Eraser replied hastily, his words scrambling themselves before they could make it out of his mouth.  _Damnit Eraser, a yes thing? Seriously?_

Error laughed harder, sitting up and brushing snow off of him. "Yeah- yeah- okay, cool." 

And under the starlit sky, they smiled together, all bitterness forgotten.


	2. Narration Is Terrible

In the midst of the blank antivoid, a little-  **"I'm not little."** Alright then, an average sized black skeleton was sitting cross legged on the floor, if it could be called a floor, that is, after all, who knew how physics worked in the antivoid? Is it a floor? Or was the skeleton just floating in space? Theoretically, does that mean said skeleton could float up and down and be on different levels compared to the others in the antivoid? Could there be-  **"Stop questioning my living space.** **"** Fine.

Anyway, this average sized black skeleton was sitting cross legged on the strange antivoid floor that also wasn't a floor at the same time; Schrödinger's floor, if you will, and he was knitting-  **"CROCHETING. KNITTING IS TERRIBLE AND I-"** That's enough, there-  **"NO YOU DON'T GET TO INTERRUPT ME.** **"** Why not? You're interrupting the narrator who isn't allowed to refer to themselves as first person as that would break the barriers of being in third person.  **"What."** As I was saying- wait, did I just break the rules- oh no it keeps happening, whatever, screw linguistics, ANYWAY, the skeleton was crocheting on the floaty floor and making another one of his creepy puppets. 

**"How are they creepy? _Rude_." ** You literally knit  **"CROCHET"** whatever crochet knit what's the difference  **"WELL FOR YOUR INFORMATION KNITTING IS THE INFERIOR ART-"** Right, right. I think I get the picture. But you do just make puppets of alternate versions of yourself as you watch their meaningless little lives through your weird one-sided portals. How do they work? How are they one-sided sometimes? Or are they not and you're just trying to watch them and make sure they don't notice the random portal with a weird glitchy skeleton watching them and eating stolen popcorn?  **"I'm not weird."** Yes you are.  _ **"Excuse me?"**_ Princess.  **"What."** Nothing.

So, this skeleton. He had-  **"has"** shut up. You didn't say anything about the past tense earlier. He had black and red bones, actually maybe it's just the skull that's black, and the metacarpals of his hands- wait. Aren't those gloves? Or... Ah, whatever. Creative interpretation. Yes. Bone. Good.

Clothing! Yes, that will do. He was wearing a black hoodie, no, maybe it was a jacket, or something. Which design is this, anyway? The Undertale AU one? Yeah- yeah, the antivoid was mentioned. Is there an antivoid in Lucidia?  **"What's Lucidia?"** Shush.  **"No."** It's nothing, really. Right, he was wearing a black hoodie with yellow drawstrings and black shorts striped with navy, as well as black slippers to top it off.  **"You say all that like I don't have a shirt on."** Yes, a red shirt. Also he had red eye sockets or something with some strange pupils that had the same odd colour scheme he has.

Honestly, if you're reading this story you probably already know what he looks like.  **"What story."** Details.  **"Stop brushing aside all my questions."**

Ah yes, this skeleton's name was Error.

**"I have a question."**

You're not allowed questions.

**"But it's important, and YOU'RE JUST A VOICE IN MY HEAD, WHAT BUSINESS DO _YOU_ HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS?!"**

Hahaha. Look at this guy.

**"SHUT**

**YOUR MOUTH"**

There's no mouth here, sonny boy. Now hush up and listen to some other voices or something.  **"There aren't any, there's just YOU, AND YOU'RE ANNOYING."** Awww, you flatterer, you.

So Error was being a whiny baby as the glitches grew more frequent. He grew quickly agitated and was likely about to interrupt again, when suddenly, Fresh appeared in a burst of rainbow coloured light! 

**"WHAT THE funk"** , Error shouted, his swearing making Fresh intervene. Bad Error. No swearing.  **"WHAT THE _funk?!_ _"_  **He repeated, growing increasingly aggravated at both the wonderful narrator and the stunning Fresh that Error was clearly in love with, we all know it-  **"SHUT UP STOP NO"**

Who's he even talking to anymore? No one knows.

"Aw, brah, that ain't very dope." Do you think Fresh knows that dope is a term for heroine? Probably not. "So what are the haps, my fine broski?" Fresh looked around, still blessedly ignorant that he was, in some way, promoting drugs. "Tubular day out." He motioned around the vacant emptiness that seemed to stretch to infinity. Error scowled at this sudden newcomer who had somehow burst in here through the power of being the most being in the multiverse. All praise the Fresh.

**"WHO ARE YOU,"** Error growled, completely missing the fact that Fresh's name was repeated multiple times in the last few paragraphs, before starting to release blue strings from his fingers. Oh no, he was going to make fabric or something, how utterly horrifying. 

Error frowned, and as the fantabulous narrator continued on their spiel, his frown only increased. Maybe if he frowned for long enough, his face would screw up into itself and disappear from the sheer amount of frowning. Goodbye, face.  **"WOULD YOU STOP?!"** Error thundered, as his sullen face scrunched up further. Perhaps it really would disappear.

"Who are you talkin' to broseph? After all, the only one around is my own radical self. Don't be so brutal dawg." Fresh jabbered on enthusiastically, still completely oblivious. Error squinted at Fresh in disapproval, before lunging with his strings. Fresh dodged, a shocked expression on his face. "Woah, dude! Chill out!"

**"WHY CAN'T THE BOTH OF YOU JUST SHUT UP??"** Error snapped, throwing magic attacks at a radical bro. Oh no you don't. That. Is not cool.

And in that moment, all the magic attacks turned into rose petals. Fresh was assaulted by a shower of rose petals and blinked in confusion. "Wait, what? Homeslice... Is this... An invitation of friendship?" He gasped, and clapped his hands together excitedly.

**"You what"** Error stared at the once dangerous rose petals in his hands as he frustratedly attempted to summon more attacks. Nah, that ain't happening any time soon.  **"W _HAT???"_**  

"Ah, did ya not hear me the first time, mofo?" Fresh, that's slang for motherfucker. You're being rude without realising. "Let's be totally fly pals!"

**"You want to be friends. With me."** He stared at the being in front of him, stoney faced.

"Damn skippy, brah!" Fresh grinned, holding out his hand as an extension of his friendship ideals. Oh, this is going to end badly. At the very least, it will for Error if he doesn't accept the friendship handshake, because these narrator powers extend much further than just turning attacks into rose petals.

**"What"** Error gaped at Fresh, seemingly unnerved. Haha, fuck you Error. Now touch the hand. 

Error, still somewhat scared of the beautiful person that is narrating this, inched his fingers slowly towards the hand. He couldn't win. Sucker. 

With a small mumble that sounded very much akin to,  **"I'm going to find and kill you,"** Error finally managed to grip onto Fresh's hand somewhat tightly. He did it. Friendship achieved. 

Fresh leaned in closer, a dark purple glow emanating from behind his sunglasses. In any case, Error, the plot twist is that Fresh is a parasite and that he's  _totally_ gonna possess you.

Error shrieked, and tried to wrench himself from Fresh's iron grip, but too late. Fresh lowered his sunglasses and jumped bodies, the previous Sans he had been possessing collapsing on the floor in agony.

Error, stunned, emitted a loud beeping noise as error messages flitted everywhere around him. 

Oh, what a shame, the blue screen of death. Ah, wait a second. Error had started to reboot. So, perhaps not of  _death_ , then. As the progress bar went through the stages, the Sans on the floor turned to dust. He had it coming, probably.

Error shook, his entire body vibrating violently, before the purple parasite fled the body. "Yo, dude, what the actual heck? That was mad shady! I do  _not_ like your shizz." And with those last words, Fresh fled the scene with another burst of rainbow light to accompany the first.

After these bizarre shenanigans, Error snapped awake from the attempted possession that had failed because Error certainly wasn't stable enough to be controlled by a parasite. 

**"What the hell?"** Error rubbed his face, feeling quite perturbed.

**"Wait. Is someone _narrating_ me?" ** Ah, so he finally gets it.  **"What do you mean, _finally_ _?"_  **Error scowled, trying to pinpoint where the narration was coming from. Huh, he must have just forgotten everything that just happened.

How eventful.

**"What are you _talking_ about!?"**

Nothing, brah. Have a totes rad day! Catch ya on the flipside!

_**"What?!"** _

poof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all that and fresh never got to properly introduce himself :(


	3. It's a Secret (Error/Cross)

It was mostly quiet in the multivoid. For once, it was peaceful, all chaos forgotten. Hushed murmurs came from one bedroom in particular, where two certain skeletons lay together on a soft bed.

The room was bare for the most part, with the exception of the bed, a chest of drawers, a bedside table and a wardrobe that was barely used. Scattered on the drawers were various puppets and a crochet hook that was entangled in yarn. 

"So then, Ink said, 'she was all like,  _motherducker_ _',_ " Cross snickered, fiddling with his scarf. 

"If someone ate my children in front of me, I'd be pretty mad too," Error replied, snorting. "Why was he watching that anyway?" 

"No idea. I think Horror was showing it to him." Cross shifted closer to the other, resting his arms on Error's side. There was a short pause as they rested in a comfortable silence.

"Cross," Error spoke up, flicking his eyes over to the other, "why are we keeping this a secret?" 

Cross sat up, frowning. "Keeping what a secret?"

"You know. Us." Error rolled his eyes and chose to stare at the wall, which he decided was very interesting. 

"Well- they'll be weirded out by it! One minute we're enemies- the next- uh, I don't know." 

"So what? Why would that matter- isn't that a good thing? Eh, whatever." Error shrugged and turned back to look at Cross. "They probably won't figure it out anyway." Glitches, which were normally running rampant among his body, were slowed down and calm. "They're too oblivious. Remember that time no one realised Classic and Outer were dating?"

"...They're not dating."

"Yes they are- can't you see it? It's like Sin and Asgoro all over again! That's where the true romance is going on, honestly." 

Cross sniggered, an incredulous look on his face. "As  _if_. Besides, I dunno... I guess they'll probably find out eventually," he surmised. "Sure, they lack common sense, like you-" his sentence was interrupted by a whine of disapproval "-but they're not  _stupid._ " 

"I do  _not_ lack common sense!" Error exclaimed, crossing his arms in a huff.

Cross raised one eyebrow, ready to pull out the receipts. "You say that, Mr. Soul Stealer 9000." 

"I thought we agreed not to mention that," Error sighed, digging his fingers further into the fabric of his hoodie. "That was ages ago. And I said I was sorry."

"How about you make it up to me?" Cross wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "After all, an apology doesn't really cut it." 

"Hey, I gave your soul back." 

"Take the  _hint_ ," Cross hissed, nudging Error with his elbow.

"Fine, fine," Error said dryly, uncrossing his arms, "and how do you suggest I do that?" He attempted to smile half-heartedly.

"First of all," Cross began dramatically, "stop being a sarcastic ass."

"Okay. There goes my donkey impression, down the drain." 

"Second of all," Cross announced, ignoring the comment, "order me a pizza," he stroked Error's face seductively, "with pineapple." 

Error's face twisted from a tired frown to a look of utter shock and horror. "Pineapple. On pizza." He turned his head and looked up to the ceiling, as if praying to his lord and master Gordon Ramsay. "You don't put pineapple on fucking pizza," he declared with sure clarity. "Cross, I am truly  _astonished_ you would suggest such a thing."

Cross burst out laughing, pulling a phone out of his pocket. "I was joking about the pineapple part, but order me a pizza." 

"Wait, seriously?" Error shot him a look, taking the phone from his grasp.

"Yes. Give me a... a pizza with chocolate on it," Cross concluded, resting his eyes and shifting his legs to entwine around Error's.

"That's almost worse," came the weary sigh. But despite his annoyances of Cross' pizza preferences, he dialled the phone number of some poor timeline's pizza place, waiting for someone to answer. Then suddenly, a loud yell answered the call.

"WIGGIDY WHAT UP BROSEPHS THIS IIIIIIIIIS PIZZA HUT WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER MY FINE PAL ON HIS TOTALLY RADICAL DAY???" Fresh's chipper voice exploded out of the phone's speakers, thick and fast, slightly distorted due to the phone's poor frequency. 

Error and Cross jumped in fright, the former dropping the phone on the bed in surprise. A moment of pure panic ran between them as the two raced to pick it up and end the call. They fumbled with it awkwardly, until Cross threw the phone at Error, who started stabbing at it with desperate fingers. Then finally, he found the end call button and pressed it valiantly, making them sigh in mutual relief. 

"What. The fuck," Cross stated, wide eyed. "I don't- what- why was Fresh there?!" Error shrugged, just as freaked out, when all of a sudden there were a loud series of knocks at the door.

They froze, exchanging looks.

"ERROR, DO YOU KNOW WHERE FRESH IS??" Sci's voice came booming through the door, anxious and high pitched.

"...DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH PIZZA HUT?" Error yelled back.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?" Sci shouted. "CAN YOU OPEN THE DOOR?"

"I DON'T KNOW, CAN YOU?" Error answered snidely, making Cross burst into a fit of giggles. 

There was a small, although distinct curse, and then another yell. "...IS THERE SOMEONE IN THERE WITH YOU?" 

"NO!" Cross and Error shouted at the same time.

"Goddamnit no you're not supposed to shout too," Error whispered hastily to the other, who had since put his head in his hands out of embarrassment. 

"JUST LET ME COME IN I NEED TO FIND FRESH! INK TOLD HIM THAT PIZZA CONTROLLED THE MASSES AND NOW HE'S TRYING TO OVERTHROW ALL THE PIZZA COMPANIES IN THE TIMELINES." 

"WELL, IT WORKED."

"REALLY?" Came the yell, which sounded very interested now. "WAIT-  _FUCK!"_ The last scream faded away as loud footsteps sounded, presumably running away somewhere into the multivoid.

Cross raised his head, soul pounding, and let out a hushed whisper. "Is he gone?" 

"I think so..." Error leaned forwards, trying to listen to the outside. "Yeah, I heard footsteps earlier." 

"I'm just glad you didn't open the door. That, uh, would have been awkward." Cross rubbed the back of his neck. "Fuck, where am I gonna get my chocolate pizza now?" 

"We could always make one," Error suggested.

"Fuck no, I'm not letting you go near a kitchen ever again since the incident." 

"...We could always steal one," Error grumbled, shameful memories starting to resurface. All he knew was that he would never be able to look at a taco the same way again. 

"I'm game." A dangerous glint flashed in Cross' eye, who grabbed a very large knife out of nowhere and jumped out of bed.

Error gave him a deadpan look, opening a portal to an Underfell timeline and simply taking a pizza right from under Fell's non-existent nose, and gave it to Cross. A loud screech of anger echoed from the portal, which closed before Fell could attempt to murder Error for stealing his food.

"This doesn't have chocolate on it," Cross said disappointedly, pouting as he waved the pizza about, spraying various ingredients all over the floor, much to Error's disgust. "This is just a regular pizza." 

Error then proceeded to grab a jar of nutella and dump the contents of it on the pizza, a very bored expression on his face. "Why am I doing this for you again?"

"Because you're Mr. Soul Stealer 9000, that's why," Cross replied gleefully, ripping the pizza apart and stuffing it in his mouth unceremoniously. 

"...Well Mr. Soul Stealer 9000 is fucking done. Goodbye. I'm taking a nap," Error announced, and collapsed back on the bed, shutting his eyes and trying to forget that Cross was there, making a mess. 

"Nap yourself right up," Cross answered.

"Have a nice life while I am unconscious."

"Will do. Have fun having yourself a nice nappykins." 

"Thank you so muchykins," Error mumbled. "Now get the fuck out of my room." 

Cross snickered, hoisting the ruined pizza with one hand, and unlocking the door and shutting it behind him with the other. 

Outside, the corridor was empty, with the exception of Fresh who was being berated by Sci on the responsibility of not messing with timelines or their pizza corporations, no matter how delicious the pizza was. They swivelled around, staring at Cross, who looked to be in shambles, covered in pizza sauce and chocolate.

"...Did you just come out of Error's room?" Sci asked incredulously.

"FUNK."


	4. Nose Orgasms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ink's very forgetful.

It had been a quiet evening. The inhabitants of the multivoid were strewn around the vast living room, sat on various chairs and sofas, and chattered softly amongst themselves. 

Yet soon, the peace would be disturbed by Ink, who had forgotten something of the utmost importance. 

"Hey guys! Guys!! What are- what are nose orgasms called again?" Ink called out very loudly, stretching his arms out and waving for attention. "I've forgotten!" He then threw his arms back down and started to tap at his chin thoughtfully. 

The rest of the Sanses in the room paused in their conversations and swivelled their heads round to look at Ink. There was a long period of silence as the they tried to process just what Ink had said. 

Classic open his mouth and shut it again, for once, not entirely sure of what to say. One voice broke the awkward silence.

"Nose orgasms...?" Lust snickered, unable to keep himself from laughing at the ridiculous outburst, "we don't even have noses- where- where did this come from?" 

Ink paused. Consequently, in a sudden genius moment, he gasped and flourished a finger to the air dramatically. "No- no- they're- SNEEZES! That's it! Sneezes!" He declared, a triumphant grin struck across his face. "I  _remembe_ _r!"_  

They stared at him in shock, and Lust burst out laughing, which led to the rest of them snickering, albeit with still very confused looks on their faces.

"What a... creative name!" Blue smiled uncomfortably. "Nose orgasms." 

"I... I forgot the word and that was the first thing that popped into my head," Ink attempted to explain between giggles. 

"I have never heard that phrasing for a sneeze," Classic murmured, putting his head slowly in his hands. 

"Does that mean... that snot is nose cum?" Outer began, starting to see what Ink meant. He started nodding his head. "Yeah... Yeah." 

"Oh no," Blue sighed, "not you too." 

Outer's statement started chatter, as they debated whether or not snot was, indeed, nose cum. The joke of 'who nose' was thrown around several times, most of the perpetrators not realising the pun had been used and making it less funny as they went on. Then one person said something particularly scandalous. 

"Some people eat their snot." They turned to look at Error, who was already beginning to regret having said this aloud. 

"So you're saying that some people eat their gross nose cum," Lust reaffirmed.

"That's exactly what he's saying." Ink, decided. "Wait, how do you even know about that anyway?" 

Error shrugged and said nothing in response. 

"Right..." Ink raised one eyebrow and went back to trying to think of more strange comparisons. "Does this mean that periods are nosebleeds?"

A collective groan went up in the group, and then Dream, who had, so far, been fairly quiet on the entire ordeal, murmured something only just loud enough to catch. "Someone out there has a nose kink." 

Silence.

"...Okay. Okay. What would that make eyes?" Fell suggested, trying to change the subject, a strained grin on his face.

"Boobs," Razz answered helpfully. "And tears are when you lactate." 

"So if tears are milk," Classic started, "...tears are salty. Salty milk. Salty milk is cum. Cum is snot. Nose is eyes," he pondered, ready to start a conspiracy theory.

"We've come full circle," Ink announced, grinning. He was very proud of himself for causing this entire thing.

"I'm kinkshaming," Error mumbled. 

"You're the one that mentioned the nose cum eating in the first place," Ink retorted. 

"You talked about nose orgasms!" Error countered. 

"So we're all in agreement that the nose is an extra vagina," Outer cut in quickly before the two could start arguing. It would mostly be Error yelling at Ink while Ink made fun of him, which was a fairly hilarious sight to see, but currently they were on a journey of discovery and they could have no interruptions.

Blue frowned, crossing his arms. "I haven't agree- just kidding," he switched from a disapproving expression to an immature one within a fraction of a second, giggling. "This is great."

"What if you breathed through your vagina?" Lust spoke up. 

"What the actual fuck, Lust."

"WAIT! That's queefing," he proclaimed. "And... picking your nose is nasal fingering." 

"Nasal fingering?" Fell wheezed. "Some- some people can stick their tongues up their nose- eating out their own nose-" he choked on his words and sniggered. 

"The nose has hair- pubic hair!" Classic declared. This entire debacle had resulted all of them to try to remember the biology of the nose, which wasn't something they were entirely familiar with.

"Isn't it inside the nose? Does that mean there would be hair inside the vagina?" 

"Stop this Ink." 

"I want you all to know that I'm not even sorry for this discussion," Ink said proudly. 

It was then that Fresh and Sci, who had not been present for the entire event, burst into the room.

"Hey my fine bros what are we all talking about one this truly radical day?" 

The debate stopped in its tracks, words faltering. 

"I don't know about the rest of you but I'm not about to make Sci correct us on nose science FUNK this bye," Error said, rushing out of the room as fast as possible in order to escape the terrible situation of a million lectures that would surely ensue. 

"...Nose science?" Sci asked, bafflement evident on his face. "What...?"

"Nothing," Classic said, glancing at the others, who were nodding, "absolutely nothing." 

"No, we were talking about nose orgasms," Ink explained, not getting the hint. 

'What." Sci stared at them dubiously.

"Orgasm?" Fresh inquired curiously. "What's that?" 

The rest of the room froze, peering at Fresh with nervous eyes, until they all, as if in a hive mind, simultaneously decided to make a break for it. 

"Oh come on," Fresh grumbled, left in the dust, "you could have all at least told me first."

And somewhere else in the multivoid, a loud voice that sounded remarkably like Ink yelled, "HA, CUM." 


	5. Song Drabbles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna do these every five chapters or so.

Cotton Eye Joe

 

Fresh giggled as he possessed yet another Sans. Flashy colours and clothing immediately replaced the old, ugly ones. Fresh wondered when this Sans had last washed his clothes. 

He decided that now he had this fresh new body, he would go bother Error, and watch him get angry and chase Fresh away. That was always fun. 

So he teleported away from the current universe he was in with a giant rainbow blast of light and found himself in the antivoid, right in front of Error, conveniently enough, who shrieked in shock and jumped back in fright.

Fresh snickered. "Wow brah, did I surprise you?"

"FUNK OFF! AND STOP CENSORING ME YOU FUNKER I'LL KILL YOU!" Error screamed, unleashing his strings at Fresh. 

"That's some pretty unrad language my dude. Can't be saying that, it's totes not fly." Fresh sidestepped, and then a sudden, hilarious idea came to his mind, one that would no doubt tick Error off. "Hey brah!" He exclaimed excitedly.

"WHAT," Error snapped. 

Fresh proceeded to leap forwards and kiss him quickly, then step back swiftly, taking a notebook out of his pocket and scribbled something in the margins. "Well that's you done!" He grinned.

Meanwhile, Error had shorted out, error messages appearing as he recoiled in surprise and horror. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" He screeched, running off and flailing his arms about.

"Bye brahseph! Have fun with your panic attack!" He chuckled darkly. Spreading fear was so much fun.

 

Careless Whisper - George Michael

 

"Hey there," Lust smirked, beckoning Dance with one finger. "Want me to show you a good time?" 

"I think I can have a good time by myself, thanks," Dance replied dryly, barely glancing at the other. 

Lust looked as if he had been shot, clutching a hand to his chest, utterly wounded. "You insult me." He continued with his dramatics, slumping down to the floor onto his knees, and putting his head in his hands, sobbing in dismay.

"That would be the intention." Dance rolled his eyes playfully.

Lust gasped, wailing. "Why do you hate me."

 

Let The Bodies Hit The Floor - Activator 

 

It was an odd sight to see the normally colourful skeleton to be wearing such a different attire. The bright colours were now dark, hues unsaturated and dull. Red was a common theme, but black overwhelmed the clothes almost entirely. 

"Fresh," Geno began, almost nervously, "what are you wearing?" 

"The souls of the innocent," Fresh deadpanned. His back was turned to them, hunched. 

"Are you.... okay?" Geno asked, stepping towards him.

"I'm dead inside," Fresh growled out, turning around. The 'YOLO' glasses were gone, replaced by terrible, circular sunglasses. Spiky shoulder pads dominated a black leather jacket, shiny and taut. His trousers were tight, black, and covered in unneeded zips and pockets. "...Am I doing this right?" He turned to Ink.

"Uh, what?" Geno blustered.

"Oh, he's just pretending to be like Error," Ink chuckled, nudging Fresh. "Needs more fake blood." Fresh nodded sagely.

The door next to them vibrated from the intensity of the violent music roaring from the room behind it. Ink smirked, trying to stop himself from laughing as he held a hand to his mouth to stifle giggles.

"Brah, your phase is kinda whack," Fresh called to the door. 

"SHUT UP, FRESH. THIS ISN'T A PHASE, IT'S WHO I AM!" The angry yell responded.

The three exchanged glances and shook their heads. "Maybe if we just ignore this it'll go away on its own," Geno suggested.

Fresh shrugged. "Does this mean I can take off these unrad threads now?"

 

The Ballad of Mona Lisa - Panic! At the Disco

 

"You can't just go around destroying whatever you please," Ink taunted reproachfully, "you'll have to face the consequences eventually."

"Ha." Error tilted his head, smirking. "Well, I haven't faced them yet. And," he walked forwards, his footsteps echoing on the golden hall's floor, "why would I face consequences for doing my job?" 

"Gosh, I think it must be because people don't actually want you to do it." Ink tapped his chin, mock thoughtfully. "It's almost as if... as if these beings have lives and feelings or something." 

"You really don't get it, do you," Error snapped, his words harsh and cruel. "They're abominations. They  _need_ to be destroyed." 

"Nah..." Ink gazed at the ceiling. "You're just a stubborn man child."

"Excuse me?!" Error growled, annoyance clear on his features. "I am not!"

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"You are both complete children." A monochromatic child stepped out of the shadows, arms crossed. 

"Well," Ink grinned, sticking out his tongue, "at least I have the gall to admit it."

"I hate you," Error grumbled.

 

Hey Mamma - Sunstroke Project

 

"Fresh, if you play that stupid thing one more time, I'll destroy it and then you."

The threat from Error had not come without reason - Fresh had been playing an instrument he had found, and rather badly. He had found said instrument in some timeline, and had not even known it  _was_ an instrument (he'd just thought it was nice and shiny and he was gonna keep it) at first, or even what an instrument was, but then Ink had introduced to him the magic of playing the saxophone, and now he was endlessly tooting the brass-coloured instrument to some random tune.

Fresh stopped playing momentarily, and snapped out a snarky remark. "You can't stop the sax, Error-brah! It's too powerful shizz for the likes of you!"

Error rolled his eyes, bringing his strings to his fingers and readying an attack on Fresh. "You TOOTing TOOThole-  _ARE YOU SERIOUSLY USING THE SAXOPHONE TO CENSOR ME?!"_

Fresh grinned, continuing to play and doing a little jig. Ink decided to join in, sporting a saxophone of his own which he seemed to have just painted.

Error groaned in exasperation, leaving the two to their silly antics. The others in the multivoid continued to suffer under the noise of the instruments, screaming to themselves internally.

 

Yodel It! - Ilinca

 

Not for the first time, Classic wondered whose stupid idea it was to get a karaoke machine for the multivoid. It had been funny at first, with various Sanses deciding to sing ridiculous meme songs and joke about as they did terrible renditions of death metal songs. The only reason they were so bad was due to their laziness when it came to screaming. 

But now, Ink and Blue were performing a duet of some strange yodelling rap song, and Classic could only tiredly watch, pretending he was done with this awful business (though he did find it funny) with a grimace on his face.


	6. Punning Across The Table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mm i wrote this a few weeks ago and kept forgetting to post it so here y'all go. enjoy

Something alluring, a scent, of sorts, was making itself known. It attracted various skeletons, who were curious of it, and how utterly delicious the smell was. It was very strange, because they didn't have noses. 

But they knew something was going on. 

And the source of this was of three other skeletons, happily enjoying a variety of baked goods. The 'Star Sanses', as they (sometimes) called themselves, were sat at a small table in the multivoid's dining room. Blue was about to take a croissant, when suddenly, a greedy hand swooped in from above and took said pastry from him. 

Blue made an insulted noise, standing up to encounter the mysterious croissant thief. In front of him, the perpetrator, Cross, smirked, the croissant held in one hand. 

"Give it back!" Blue demanded, ready to fight for justice for the baked good. "It's not yours!" 

"Well," Cross grinned, taking a bite of the croissant, "it's mine now." 

Blue glared at him, cracking his knuckles threateningly as he prepared for a fight to the death. This wasn't the first time that Cross had stolen food from him - and it probably wouldn't be the last. Now, he was ready to take revenge for all of those stolen tacos. "Are you sure about that?"

Cross nodded, taking another mouthful. "Yeah. I put the 'i' in croissant."

From his seat, Ink snorted, spraying crumbs all over the table. Dream shielded his pastry from the crumb blast, shooting Ink an annoyed look. 

Blue opened his mouth, then shut it again, unsure of how to respond. "I... What about the 'ant'?" Blue retorted. 

"Uh, I didn't think that far," Cross admitted, stuffing the rest of the croissant in his mouth. "But you sure seem to have some ants in your pants about this." 

Blue grimaced, and started to imagine various types of ants he could use to torture Cross with in the next few days. Perhaps he'd shove a load of angry fire ants in his pillowcase. "Yes. I suppose I do feel quite antsy." He gritted his teeth furiously. 

"So, you're cross with me," Cross snickered, wiping his mouth hastily with his sleeve. "I guess that's my cross to bear." 

It was then that a cruciate crucifix chucked by a crucifer caned Cross on the cranium. "You've crossed the line, buddy," Ink called, having just thrown the recently drawn cross at him. 

"Ow!" Cross exclaimed annoyedly, rubbing his head. "Hey, don't you cross my path." 

"Are you sure? Because I can cross swords with you," Ink retorted, grinning all the while. "I've caught you in my crosshairs." 

"What, with your crossbow?" Cross asked snootily. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there." 

Dream slammed his head down on the table, unable to bear it anymore. "How old are you guys? You're acting like toddlers," he sighed, facedown.

"Actually, I'm a fossil," Cross grinned, "a real Crossopterygian." 

Dream looked up, a baffled look on his face. The other two turned to stare at Cross, utterly confused. "A what?" 

Cross started to grumble under his breath. "It's a really old fish." 

Ink raised his eyebrows. "Sounds fishy to me." 

"I sea what you did there," Classic said, walking in with an easy smile on his face. "Can I have a pastry?" He requested.

"No!" Blue snarled, hugging the goods towards himself. "They're not up for grabs!" 

"No need to be so tart," Classic sighed, but lit up once Ink passed over a treat. "Sweet!" 

It was then that Sci casually strolled in, his nose in a newspaper, barely looking up at them. 

"Hey Sci!" Cross exclaimed, making the other flick his gaze up, a questioning look on his face. "Do you need help with that crossword?"

Sci stared at him for a few seconds, until he finally got the gist. "Uh, yeah, what's a five letter word for angry?" 

"Uh, angry?" Blue deadpanned, still hogging the baked goods and hissing whenever someone attempted to go near him and his stash. 

"No you fucker it's Cross," Cross answered helpfully, managing to pinch another croissant while Blue tried to defend himself from Classic. "Now if you don't mind me, I'd like to sit-" 

"Cross legged?" Ink broke in, and received finger guns in response. Cross then, as stated, sat down on the middle of the floor, crossing his legs. 

"Say... Are your clothes... Made with cross-stitches?" Classic suggested. 

"Hahaha!" Cross smiled. "No!" He continued to smile in Classic's direction, until it stretched out too far and started to become more of a horrific grimace. 

"This amount of puns should be illegal, I'm having you all arrested," Dream groaned, back to being facedown on the table. "This is-"

"Punderful!" Classic announced, trying to play off Cross' reaction, all the while sweating profusely. 

"I think you'll have to cross-examine me. Be sure to cross-check your evidence first," Cross said, yawning. 

Ink scribbled on his notepad, snickering to himself. "Hey- hey..." He started, raising his eyebrows enthusiastically and turning his notepad to face his audience, "I've done it in cross-hatch." He grinned at him expectantly. On the notepad was a doodle of a croissant, complete with a small caricature of Cross on the side. 

Classic tried to take another pastry from Blue, who growled, "if you take anymore I'll actually shoot you I swear to the stars." 

"Fuck, we'll be caught in the crossfire," Cross lamented, pretending to faint, and dropped his body to the ground. 

Just then, a glitchy destroyer walked in, and stopped to stare at the mess in front of him. Blue was now stretched on the table, desperately trying to cover all of his baked goods from attack, Ink had his legs on the table, leaning back on his chair and still laughing at his drawing, Cross was lying on the floor, Dream appeared to be dead on the table, Classic was hovering around and annoying Blue, and Sci was just standing there, a tired look on his face. 

There was a short moment of silence. 

Ink paid no mind, leaning back further on the chair, only to shortly come crashing down on the floor, yelping in shock. 

At the commotion, Cross and Dream seemed to snap awake, looking to their fallen friend in bleary surprise. 

"I'M OKAY!" Ink yelled, scrambling to get up. 

"Man, I feel kinda cross-eyed," Cross groaned, staring at the ceiling. "Somehow, this didn't seem to cross my mind." 

Error frowned, glaring at them all. "I've got my fingers crossed you'll all shut up. I could hear you from my room." 

"Nah, you'll see the error of your ways," Cross said, not bothering to get up. "Cross my heart and hope to die." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate ending, when blue threatens to shoot classic he brings out a bazooka and fulfils his destiny.  
> also, whenever i mention their eyebrows from now on, please just imagine them as the weird, bushy eyebrows fresh has, please and thank you.


End file.
